Musings
by vjd
Summary: After page 236ish in Eclipse.  Edward has returned with Bella from La Push and notices a book next to her bedWuthering Heights.  How well does Edward really relate to Heathcliff? Read and review Plz!  Enjoy!


All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer

Special thanks to saranicole!

Takes place around page 236ish and 264ish in _Eclipse._

Gently I reached down and stroked my Bella's face. She looked like an angel. She was sleeping so peacefully. I marveled at the beautiful creature lying next to me on the bed. How I loved her. She was my whole life my only reason for existing. There was nothing I would not do for her. Nothing.

I sighed as my thoughts turned to earlier that night. How anxious, almost panicked, I had been as I dropped my love off to be with that _mutt. _I mentally sneered his name as feelings of hatred overtook meOf course, I would never tell her that. I would never let her know how it hurt me to see her wrapped up in another man's arms—the jealousy that threatened to consume me as I watched them together.

I chuckled remembering how immaturely I had acted—how I had kissed her right in front of him. I might as well have lifted my leg up and marked her as my territory. Yet I smirked remembering Jacob's reaction.

He loved her. I sighed, raking my hand through my hair. No matter how much I tried to convince myself otherwise, I knew she cared for him too. I feared just how much. I was scared of losing her, though another part of me hoped she did care for him enough to leave me. What if Jacob was better for her? What if her life could be more complete with _him_? I wanted her to have the life she was meant to have, a happy human life.   
One filled with children and grandchildren. A life where she would not have to lie to the ones she loved, or abandon them forever. My world was so dark. It was not meant for one such as Bella. She deserved so much more…

I smiled slightly as my attention was once again brought back to my love as she crushed her body even closer to mine, sighing contentedly. I chuckled as she clutched her hand to my shirt and once again fell still. She was so beautiful.

Out of the corner of my eye I noticed a book lying by her bed. I deftly reached over to see what it was she had been reading and scoffed. _Wuthering Heights… _again. What was her fascination with this book? She had mentioned how the inevitability of the story appealed to her—how nothing could keep Catherine and Heathcliff apart. To everyone but Catherine, Heathcliff seemed to be an inhuman monster—or even evil incarnate. I chuckled as I related Catherine's obsession with Heathcliff to Bella's obsession with me. Unlike Heathcliff, I truly was inhuman and a monster.

Like Heathcliff with Catherine, Bella was also my sole passion. I laughed quietly to myself disbelievingly. I could not believe I was actually relating and sympathizing with such a character! Before, I had thought his actions to be appalling, but now I was beginning to understand his hatred, his actions.

I flipped through the pages skimming different passages as I remembered more of the story. Bella was very much like Catherine, torn between two worlds. She longed to be with me, her soul mate, or so she thought, but she was also strongly connected to Jacob, her best friend. But that was where the similarities ended. Heathcliff could have given Catherine children. He wouldn't have made her give up her life, friends, and family. She didn't need to marry Edgar Linton to have those things. And I wondered if Bella truly realized what a marriage to Jacob would be like for her. He could give her things—things that truly mattered—things I could not.

I hated Jacob for what he could give her that I never could. I hated that she thought of him as often as she did, that she cared for him, that I had to share her with him. But hate him as I may, I knew I would never act on those feelings.

My eyes fell to a passage just then that caught my attention. It was Heathcliff speaking,

_And there you see the distinction between our feelings: had he been in my place and I in his, though I hated him with a hatred that turned my life to gall, I never would have raised a hand against him. You may look incredulous, if you please! I never would have banished him from her society as long as she desired his. The moment her regard ceased, I would have torn his heart out, and drank his blood! But, until then—if you don't believe me, you don't know me—till then, I would have died by inches before I touched a single hair of his head!_

I chuckled. How right Heathcliff was. I sighed shaking my head slowly from side to side. I would never touch Jacob. As Heathcliff so eloquently put it, "I never would have banished him from her society as long as she desired his…I would have died by inches before I touched a single hair of his head."

Really how could I, knowing how she felt about him? It was partly for this same reason why I wouldn't try to keep them apart.

The sides of my mouth slowly pulled up as I considered the rest of what Heathcliff had said, "The moment her regard ceased, I would have torn his heart out, and drank his blood!" I laughed dryly. One can only hope.

Just then I felt Bella stir again, burying her head in my chest.

Eclipse page 265 

"Did I wake you?" I whispered as I fumbled with the book in my hands just before it fell to the floor.

"No," she mumbled tiredly. "I had a bad dream."

"Do you want to tell me about it?"

She shook her head explaining that she was too tired, and she would in the morning.

I laughed silently, and agreed.

"What were you reading?" she questioned half asleep.

"_Wuthering Heights_."

She frowned slightly, "I thought you didn't like that book."

"You left it out," I explained. "Besides," I continued, "the more time I spend with you, the more human emotions seem comprehensible to me. I'm discovering that I can sympathize with Heathcliff in ways I didn't think possible before."

She sighed in response and I could tell by her breathing that she was almost asleep again. I wasn't even sure if she was awake enough to have heard all of what I had just said.

I leaned down kissing her softly on the forehead and whispered, "Goodnight, my Catherine. Choose well. I will love you always."


End file.
